Alright partner, per furious requests today we’re talking about how, when faced with the occasionally infuriating experience of wine shopping, to buy a bottle you will enjoy. I’m gonna go through a few scenarios here based on three tiers of wine knowledge and experience. I’ll preface this by saying that no matter how much knowledge or experience one possesses, if they haven’t had the wine before, it’s a gamble. There are assumptions that can be made based on where the wine is from, the alcohol content, vintage, label design, etc., but there’s really no way to know what it’s like until you taste the wine. Even if you know and like most of a producer’s wines it’s not necessarily a sure bet that you’ll like a wine of theirs that you haven’t had before. Even worse, let’s say you’ve had and loved all of the wines made from a specific producer. New vintage comes out, you try a bottle, hate it. It’s happened to me and I’m sure it happens to many. It’s for this exact reason that people buying wine for shops or restaurants taste new vintages of wines they may already carry every year. I say all of this to overstate the fact that wine buying is a gamble for everybody, even for “experts” or “professionals.” If you haven’t had a wine then you don’t know what it’s like or whether you’re going to like it.
Don’t feel embarrassed to ask for help or be afraid to ask a “dumb” question. I ask for help almost every time I go into a wine shop. If the person at the shop is a dick or makes you feel bad or whatever, don’t go back to the store. Fuck them. They’re assholes and don’t deserve your business. There are plenty of shops that I don’t frequent (and tell people to stay away from) because of how I was treated and how they may be treated if they go there. On the flip-side, there are also plenty of shops that I do frequent and tell everybody to visit because they are helpful and supportive and kind. No amount of information is an excuse to be rude or judgmental. Nobody is born with any of this information and there is always a point when somebody doesn’t know the answer to a question, no matter how “stupid” it is. Once again the intermediate value theorem displays its beautiful, beautiful self.
Anyway, let’s get started. We’ll do this in ascending knowledge levels I guess?
Person A: “I don’t know much about wine, I just want something tasty to drink.”
Nice. Welcome. The first thing I’d suggest is figuring out generally what you want and why before you go into a shop. For example, “I’m looking for a red wine to go with meat” or “I want a good rose for drinking” are great places to start. I think most people already have this in their heads before they go to a shop, but having this bit of clarity can help to reduce anxiety if that’s an issue at all. If you’ve had wines before that you’ve liked and remember, that’s great. Find a nice-looking person who works at the shop and say something like “hey I’m looking for a bottle similar to this one for X reason and I want to spend Y much.” Chances are they’ll be able to help you and do a pretty decent job. Oh also an aside here, take pictures of bottles that you like. That’ll help immensely both for you to remember and for somebody who may help you. If you don’t have a bottle you can reference it’s a bit more difficult to guarantee quality, but ask them to describe the flavors of the wines they’re recommending. Sometimes it’ll be bullshit and buzzwords that they’re saying because they haven’t had it, but if you ask specifically about the flavors sometimes it can provide you with very useful information.
Person B: “I know more or less what I like, the differences between some grape varieties, regions and producers that I like and remember”
We’re not talking about some crazy level of experience or knowledge, just a general level of confidence in what you do and don’t like. From trying a bunch of wines and paying attention you’ll know generally what styles that you do or don’t like: “richer versus leaner, more tart and acidic whites”, “more tannic and fuller-bodied reds vs smoother and richer vs lighter reds with a chill.” And that may be the wrong way to phrase it because you may like all of those thing, but what I mean to say is that you’ll have a better idea of what you’re looking for at any point in time. In this case you’ll probably be familiar with some wine labels and producers which can be a major plus if you’re somewhere that doesn’t have useful staff and you need to help yourself. That in and of itself can dramatically help ensure you leave the shop with something you like.
If you want a wine you haven’t had before, there are a few ways you can approach it that will help improve your chances of getting something you might like. First, like with Person A, unless you’re just browsing for fun, have as accurate an idea as possible of what you want before walking in. If you love Oregon Pinot Noir and you want one you’ve never had before, that’s pretty easy. Tell the person who works there what you like and why and ask for their opinion. Make sure you ask them why they’re suggesting it and why they think it would be a good match. Establishing this relationship is great from both a consumer and salesperson’s perspective because it gives the salesperson a better idea of what to sell, which in turn results in the consumer trusting them more and wanting to come back to the shop more often. Everybody wins.
So, don’t feel bad about pressing the salesperson for more information. I mean don’t be a dick about it and insist on them telling you the pH and which forests the barrels came from, but you can definitely ask about the acidity of the wine and the oak presence/impact. And if the salesperson gives you attitude and doesn’t want to help you and is a dick or whatever, fuck em. It’s their job and if they don’t want to be a helpful salesperson they can fuck themselves. Don’t let wine shops or the people who work there make you feel intimidated or insecure. Most of the time you can find the wine you want somewhere else.
Person C: “I have a pretty good working knowledge of wine regions, styles, producers and qualities. I’ve had some aged wine before and can tell when a wine is ‘over the hill’ in terms of aging.”
One of the main perks of this tier is that you can most effectively take advantage of my favorite part of a wine shop: the last-chance shelf. Of course the last-chance shelf is somewhere anybody can go to pick up a bottle of discounted wine, but being able to differentiate between the stuff that is probably garbage and the stuff that is most certainly garbage can be difficult if you don’t have a ton of experience. There are a number of reasons wines end up on that shelf but the main one is that people just didn’t buy it. WHY they didn’t buy it is a different question and probably the most important reason as to whether or not you should buy it (I’ll write a separate post about this another time). But, if you know what to look out for, you can usually find some pretty cool stuff at very reasonable (and occasionally unreasonably low) prices. Sometimes you can find stuff with a bunch of age on it, sometimes it’s just something obscure at a great price. Regardless, it’s very much a “buyers beware” type of deal and just assume what you’re buying off of that shelf is no longer good.
With more experience you’ll also be able to better parse out wine salesmanship and identify buzz-words. Both the use of, and the way in which a person says, words like “extracted”, “juicy”, “fruit-forward”, “funky” will tell you as much about their palate as it does about the wine. Paying attention to these details can help you figure out pretty quickly whether or not you and the person trying to sell you a wine have similar tastes. If you’re lucky enough, sometimes they’ll have a palate much different than yours and will end up discounting wine you like or banishing it to the last chance shelf. I found a place where the manager thinks Pinot Noir can only age up to five years and then “all of these tertiary flavors emerge that don’t agree with the modern palate,” which is half-correct and completely fortunate for me.
Another quick thing is that if you haven’t started paying attention to distributors, start now. It usually says who distributes/imports a wine on the back of the bottle. If you figure out “oh hey I love a lot of wines distributed by X,” then chances are you’ll like other wines that they distribute. It’s never a 100% certain thing, but if you’re stuck trying to decide between two bottles of Chinon at the shop and one is represented by a distributor you know and trust, it can provide an extra layer of security in your decision.
Bonus: I’d recommend the following for people at all levels of knowledge/experience who are at least mildly interested in wine buying at all: go into wine shops whenever you have a chance just to look around, especially if you have no intention of buying anything. While you’re in there check for wines that you’ve seen before, common producers like Veuve Cliquot, Louis Jadot, Silver Oak, Yellowtail, Opus One etc. and make a mental note of the pricing. Once you do this enough you’ll be able to look around a store and gauge its pricing markup. So, say you walk into a shop and they have a few of those wines, each of which are less expensive than the average price you’ve seen around. That’ll give you a pretty good idea of their general pricing system and tell you that you’re probably getting a good price on most bottles of wine in the shop.
So there you have it. I understand this is a simplified approach which I would probably find infuriating to read, but it’s a decent start upon which we will all build together. I guess the main takeaway from this is, when in doubt, try and find someone who seems friendly and knowledgeable that you can ask for honest help. If you can, try to gauge their tastes and determine whether or not you can trust their opinions. I should mention though that their taste doesn’t always need to agree with your own; in fact, if it’s diametrically opposed then that can be pretty helpful as well. Just go with whatever they say they don’t like, but make sure you ask why. If their list of reasons is a whole bunch of things you like, you’re all set. Asking for help can almost never hurt, but if it does, just tell them to fuck off and don’t go back. Happy shopping.
Cork Taint 